As I write this, I am currently on tour in London, England, doing my nerdy comedy show to the good people across the pond (things are going awesomely *word?). I’m sitting in a pub on Portobello road, right down the street from where George Orwell once lived. So fingers crossed that this entry turns out to be the Animal Farm of blog posts.

First off, England loves Canada. I guess it comes from our involvement with them in World War 2... Well, when I say "we" I don’t mean me, I wasn’t around for World War 2. I was but a twinkle in my father's testicles, but I’m from that douche generation where we have no qualm claiming an older generation's accomplishments as my own. Sure I was at D-Day. Twice.

I have to tell you, I never heard so many references to Dr. Who in mixed company before in my life! There were only 2, but nobody was looking behind them waiting to be pantsed, nor were the references made under their breath to someone with a bow tie and suspenders. No, these references were made with the assumption that the people hearing would most certainly understand what was being said, and what was being said was to no one in particular! Amazing. I almost wept.

The pay phones here blew my mind. Every pay phone is equipped with the ability for the user to send texts or emails. Unfortunately, they use their public phones the same way we use ours. People, if we ever have the chance to travel back in time, lets make a pact here and now, stating that we will never tell Alexander Graham Bell what has happened to his invention. If one of us showed up in 1876 and told him that his invention was used to store the homeless, or for pissing on after a late night at the club, I am more than positive he would keel over right then and there.

However, I think my personal favorite thing in England is the fact they keep the washing machines in the kitchen.  Until they invent a way of putting toilets beside a fridge without grossing people out, having a washing machine there is the next best thing. Especially after eating a KFC double down.