I have something to admit. Something painful, that might make me lose a few nerd points: I actually didn’t like something with Jean-Luc Picard in it. I know! Weird, right? Normally I go NUTS for Patrick Stewart. But then I saw First Contact and it all went pear-shaped.

I have multiple issues with the movie.  The biggest one is that the story is awful. Just terrible. I mean, OK, so you want me to believe that everyone in the Star Trek crew may potentially become part of the Borg? Because I know they won’t! None of the important characters are going to be part of the Borg for any length of time! All will be right at the end of the movie. Thus, I don’t care. Just take me to the big finale. If you could have a choreographed scene in which someone runs Deanna Troi through with a spear or sword, all the better.

Another problem:  the whole “must make first contact with an alien species” thing. We all knew it was going to happen, otherwise the whole space-time continuum would be all messed up and Geordi LaForge’s weird eyeballs would explode or something.

What was WITH those eyeballs? Where was his headgear dealie? His eyes were distracting. And I always expect him to start singing the Reading Rainbow theme song, so it’s hard to focus on his dialogue.*

Finally: the only thing more annoying than a sober Deanna Troi is a drunk one. Please, someone just eat her. Can I get a Ferengi out here? They have good, pointy, meat-eating teeth.

The ONLY redeeming point in this movie was when Jean-Luc was wearing a wife beater and swinging from pipes and whatnot when he was destroying the head Borg chick and helping Data. Only. Redeeming. Point.**

Next up! Batman: Year One.

This direct-to-DVD animated movie was fantastic. Of course, I love the Batman. I think he’s the best superhero ever. What’s not to love? Handsome, strong, brave, probably super-smart, I hear he likes guinea pigs and bunnies and is a HUGE fan of crafting and sewing and giving backrubs.

What? That’s what I heard. True story.***

The movie was beautiful. Really, really well done. The story itself was simple, but the animation was stunning. I watched this movie the night before I had to go into the hospital for some surgery (all better now!), so I was grateful for the easy-to-follow plot and pretty, pretty pictures. It helped calm my jangled nerves.

My favorite part? Thanks for asking! It was when Detective Gordon went to investigate Bruce Wayne, suspecting he might be the Batman. Bruce Wayne, meanwhile, anticipated this (because he’s so amazingly awesome). He sat around in his silky robe with his lady friend and was a total ass. But it was all for good and he temporarily threw Gordon off his trail. Evasion success!

Mmm. Batman. So…mmm.

Anyway, yes! The movies were interesting, although one of them was a fairly big letdown (I’m looking at you, First Contact).

More nerdly doings next week, kids! See you then!

* Yeah, I know he didn’t actually sing the song. But it would’ve been awesome if he had. Also, I now have the Reading Rainbow theme song stuck in my head. “Butterfly in the sky, I can go twice as high…”

**Yum. Jean-Luc is still a hottie, and even a bad movie can’t take that away from him.

***I have no proof of this. I just heard it around. From a friend. Her name? Uh…Laptop…Laptop…Pictureframe. Yes. That is her name.