It would be inaccurate to call Superman my favorite character. It would be even LESS accurate to say he is not my favorite. Superman just sort of hovers over the list and gives all the people on it someone to look up to. No other character can make me giddy every time they walk onto a panel or crack a huge smile across my face just by hitting a guy or telling Lex Luthor to shove it. I had Superman pajamas when I was 4. …I have Superman pajamas now. Though now they don’t have a cape. I love Superman. So WHY do I feel like I have to defend him whenever he’s brought up in conversation?

Being a huge comic geek I talk about comics a lot and conversation will usually steer toward Superman in some way. 9 times out of 10 it’s met with a scoff from some jagoff who has never read a comic book in his life. ‘Pfft. Superman’s lame.’ Read one comic book. Just ONE, any one. They’re like 22 pages, go ahead you can borrow one of mine, I’ll wait. You done? There you go, you love Superman now.

People usually give me one of two reasons for why Superman is lame; a. he’s too strong or b. how does a pair of glasses hide his identity.

I’ll tackle the strength issue first. When I get that comment thrown at me it’s usually coupled with ‘his only weakness is Kryptonite.’ Superman has five main weaknesses. He is susceptible to telepathic attacks, anything magic based, Kryptonite, red sun energy, and anyone stronger than him, which in the DC universe is a pretty long list. Kryptonite isn’t even used that much except by Lex Luthor and Metallo …and occasionally Batman. Saying Luthor uses Kryptonite too much is like saying Iron Man uses his repulsors too often. It’s just part of his character. The same goes for Metallo who is powered by green K. Batman uses it for the same reasons Lex does. Despite the gadgets and the cars and the money, Bruce is just a man. The K was given to him be Superman because if anyone can or should take Superman down when it needs to happen, it’s Batman. Also he’s a total dick. And who doesn’t love a good superhero slugfest? Without Superman being as strong as he is we never would’ve gotten the epic ‘World of cardboard’ speech from the final episode of Justice League Unlimited. 

Now onto the identity issue. I want to talk about how I see his separate identities and what they each mean to him as a character but first I’ll talk about hiding them. 

The glasses. 

Everyone brings up the glasses. A lot more goes into hiding Clark Kent than the glasses but they are a factor. This is perfectly illustrated on this page from Superman Birthright #2:

The eyes are the window to the soul, change how they look and you can be a different person. I don’t even wear big thick glasses anymore and even when I take off my small wireframes people I’ve known for years take a minute to recognize me. Unless you’re Lois Lane you maybe see Superman up close once in your lifetime and you probably never see Clark Kent. This is why I maintain that Lois Lane has always known Clark Kent is Superman. Pre-crisis the lenses in the frames were made from a Kryptonian element that hypnotized people into forgetting Clark’s face but that was dropped almost as quickly as it was implemented into the story. Superman will also vibrate his face sometimes while being photographed or filmed but that doesn’t really come up in the stories anymore either. 

The clothing and posture. 

In Green Lantern #44 Hal brings up the glasses issue (everyone brings up the glasses). Barry tells him ‘Clark slouches, wears clothes two sizes too big and raises his voice an octave.’ This is also addressed in the same issue of Birthright: 

In this book they also explain that Clark studied the Meisner technique so that he can seamlessly move between his Clark and Superman personas. He puts work into this. Clark doesn’t just throw a button down shirt over the big red S and walk into the Daily Planet. Constantly on his toes he has to make sure to be in character at all times, even if that means he has to embarrass himself to keep his secret. Christopher Reeve described playing Clark in Richard Donner’s Superman films as ‘playing Superman playing Clark.’ His performance would come to be known as the definitive Superman for many and was echoed perfectly by Brandon Routh in Bryan Singer’s Superman Returns. This also brings up the ultimate Superman question; which is the real identity? Clark or Superman? 

When acting as Superman, Clark speaks in a deep tone, stands up straight and has to be demanding. He’s Superman. He’s someone that everybody has to look up to. Superman isn’t allowed to slip up. Superman can’t goof around. He’s a professional. He is the man. He is Superman.

But as Clark he has to be bumbling and quiet. Clark is everything Superman is not. Clark spills coffee and asks Perry White to repeat himself. Clark Kent sits at his desk, types and pines over Lois Lane but is too afraid to say anything to her. He’s not all wimp, though. Being an investigative reporter in the high paced, demanding Daily Planet offices he has to be assertive and needs to do whatever necessary to get what he needs for an article.  

Most people go for the ‘Clark is the real mask’ defense like Bill in Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill stating that he wakes up as Superman and has to act like us to blend in with us. I think it’s more complicated than that. Like I said before, he puts on an act as Superman. He needs to puff out his chest and be Captain NoFun when he’s on the job.

To me, the real Clark Kent is the guy at his parent’s dinner table in a white t shirt and blue jeans for dinner after helping Pa plow the fields. Maybe he’s got the glasses on, maybe he doesn’t. He’s got the costume on under his clothes but he doesn’t need to hide it. Around his parents Clark doesn’t need to put on any masks. He can just be himself. Even around Lois he’s still putting on a bit of an act as we all do around any kind of significant other. But on the Kent farm he gets to be the big farmboy throwing a football to Krypto and telling his mom what a dick Lex Luthor was this week.  

And people tell me Superman has no depth.

We all give in to nostalgia once in a while. Maybe you’re digging through a closet and find some old VHS tapes or walking by the Hot Topic you see they’re still printing shirts with the Angry Beavers on them. Luckily for most people in my generation the 90s was a pretty great time for kid’s entertainment. We had ABC’s One Saturday Morning, Cartoon Cartoons, Nicktoons and the Disney Renaissance. Most people I’ve talked to who grew up in the 80s would talk about having to be cautious when revisiting childhood memories. Shows like He-Man, Thundercats, and yes even G1 Transformers don’t exactly hold up to the test of time, but I never quite understood this. ‘Everything I grew up on was great!’ I’d always say. Darkwing Duck? Still awesome! Johnny Bravo? Fantastic! Ren & Stimpy? Pop in the DVD and I could watch it anytime. And a certain man stands out in the minds of everyone who was a child of the 80’s and 90’s, the man who was to be the new Walt Disney and even got his start working with the man himself on movies like Sleeping Beauty and the Sword in the Stone.

Mr. Don Bluth, the director of such classic and iconic American animated films as The Secret of NIMH, The Land Before Time (only the first one), and An American Tail, is synonymous with animation in film in the 1990’s. Creating such hits as Anastasia and All Dogs Go To Heaven he was Disney’s biggest (and kind of only) competitor for two decades. He has certainly had a great career and despite all the praise he’s received even he can make some stinkers. A few films like The Pebble and the Penguin and Thumbelina underperformed at the box office and were blasted by critics but in this article I will be addressing what may be his worst film of all. Today I’ll take off my nostalgia goggles and examine one of my favorite childhood films, Rock-A-Doodle.

Luckily for me (and you) the entire film can be seen on youtube! Care to join me?

The movie begins like you’d expect any animated movie to start with orchestral music over the opening credits and a voice over from the late great Phil Harris. Phil Harris as the dog Patou asks what could happen if one day the sun didn’t rise, setting up the plot of the film. Then we’re introduced to the titular character Chanticleer AKA Rock-A-Doodle as he’s named later in the film. With the voice of Glen Campbell Chanticleer belts out a loud crow, signaling the sun to rise and goes into song about letting the sun shine on the farm. Chanticleer’s job is to crow otherwise the sun won’t come up. It totally works like that.

The song is pretty good and of course with it being the 90’s and following the recent successes of films like The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast this is obviously telling us that this film will be a musical. Right? Wrong. This is the only song in the movie. We hear it here and at the end. They cast Glen Campbell as the main character, have him sing likes like ‘My daddy taught me how to sing and that’s why this voice means everything,’ and he only gets one song? Well I shouldn’t really say main character since he’s barely in the film at all! So, next up we get introduced to our other annoying and less interesting characters.

First there’s Patou the old hunting dog. I’m pretty ok with Patou since he’s the least annoying of the characters and is voiced by Phil Harris who we love from many things including his extensive list of voice work in films like The Jungle Book and the Aristocats. We also get a quick glimpse of Snipes the magpie voiced by Eddie Deezen. As much as I loved Deezen as Mandark, HOW does this guy get so much work? He does the same voice every time and it’s the most ear bleeding, grating voice in the world! Also with him is his foil, Peepers the mouse voiced by Sandy Duncan. Alright, now we’re talking. Sandy Duncan? I’m gonna enjoy her work. Nope. They give her a lisp and her only purpose is to act like a little know-it-all bitch the entire movie. She tries to explain that the lisp endears her but no… no it does not.

After the song Patou continues to narrate and night falls over the farm and a shadowy figure sneaks into the scene. The stranger was sent by the Grand Duke of Owls to beat the hell out of Chanticleer and keep him from crowing. Even though Chanticleer wins he doesn’t get a chance to crow, but the sun comes up anyway! Needless to say the animals are shocked. Everyone on the farm proceeds to berate and mock Chanticleer upon the realization that his entire life and purpose was all a lie. Seriously? 5 minutes ago this guy was your hero. You were just all singing and dancing with him and swooning over his chicken pecs but one day the sun decides to get off its own ass and do its job and they drive him off the farm? Farm animals are a fickle people.

Embarrassed, depressed and broken, Chanticleer leaves the farm to find work in the city. I guess he was getting paid to crow. Who gave him this job in the first place? Did they not know the sun has been around for a bit longer than this rooster? He had to have lied on his application. When Chanticleer leaves the rain comes shown that this was all taking place in a story book being read by our completely unnecessary main character Edmond and his mother in a live action sequence. This kid is so shoe horned into this film to humanize it and make it relatable to kids. Simba didn’t need a little human friend who was turned into a cartoon lion to defeat Scar. This kid also has a lisp. Instead of giving people actual character in this film they just load them with annoying affectations and make them act like jerks to each other.

Edmond’s family’s farm is being hit by a huge storm and is starting to flood. After being told to stay in his bed while the ‘big boys’ take care of the homestead, Edmond runs to his window and starts calling for Chanticleer. This kid is like 11 and he thinks a cartoon rooster is going to save his family. I guess Chanticleer’s crowing can also stop floods? And he probably wasn’t paying much attention when his mom JUST told him that Chanticleer was a damn dirty liar with no solar system shifting super powers. Outside, a tree is hit by a bolt of cartoon lightning and none other than the Grand Duke of Owls appears before Edmond. The movie doesn’t really tell you why. I guess his screaming caused the two worlds to collide? Or the book was some kind of portal into the cartoon dimension? Maybe this movie exists in the same universe as that movie the Pagemaster with Mccauley Culkin, which by the way is a much better movie. But, hey I thought Rock-A-Doodle was still a good movie until now so I may be wrong.

The Duke explains that Edmond is rude for calling Chanticleer back to the farm after he worked so hard to drive him and the sun away. I guess the cartoon and the live action farms are the same farm? And weren’t we just told that Chanticleer’s powers DIDN’T WORK? The sun came up anyway. He also says that he drove him away because he loathes ‘rock and roll.’ I’d call the song Chanticleer sang a country western tune if anything. And does this guy even live on that farm? Then he turns the kid into a cartoon cat. Again, what is your motive? Patou runs in, also completely unexplained as to how he got here or why, and attacks the Duke. While they tussle, Edmond flips on his flashlight, which drives the Duke away screaming. Yeah, a flashlight can defeat the villain of this film.

Patou is followed by the other members of the team and a bunch of ancillary characters that we never get introduced to but the movie seems to think they’re important. After learning that Edmond knows where the city is and how to get there they decide to hit the road for adventure! Just as they’re about to leave, the house floods with water and they all climb into a toy box and use it as a boat to float to the city.

We’re shown where the owls live, in the top of a tall mountain peak. Why are they so damn concerned with what goes on at that farm when they have a bitchin’ pad in a mountain. I never saw Chernabog terrorizing any cows and chickens. I guess I forgot about another song. Know why I forgot about it? Because it sucks. It’s not even a song as much as it’s the Grand Duke talking while playing an organ and a bunch of owls singing exposition about them hating the sun. It only lasts for about 30 seconds then the only possible reason for you to ever watch this movie flies in. Charles Nelson Riley as the Grand Duke’s retarded nephew and mercenary, Hench, enters and is sent by the Duke to sabotage Edmond and his new friends from finding Chanticleer. He may be the worst character in a cast that already makes you want to tear out your old VHS and smash it but hey, he’s voiced by CNR.

He and a group of other owls attack the group in their toy box raft and throw them off course but then are driven away by a camera flash. Things that can defeat our villains; a flashlight and a camera. The box slams shut and latches then floats into an aqueduct pipe. Snipes gets claustrophobic and puts a bunch of holes into the sides of the box which starts to fill with water and almost kills everybody. This is literally the only thing this character does in the whole film besides wander around with everyone else and act like a dick. After shooting out of the pipe, the box opens and they find themselves at the city. The owls actually helped them get to the city and Edmond’s entire purpose is moot since they didn’t really need him to get there. Now he’s just annoying baggage. In the city they discover that Chanticleer is a headliner singing at a club and is in love with his performing partner Goldie. After discovering where they are the Duke sends his retarded nephew after them while his other henchmen wait at the farm for the animals’ flashlight to lose its battery power. These really are the least threatening villains ever. You never feel the characters are in any danger because the bad guys are so inept and can be defeated so easily. The Duke ain’t no Hades, that’s for sure.

Our ‘heroes’ try and get to Chanticleer but are shoved aside by toad bodyguards. Returning in disguises the group gets a note to Chanticleer but Goldie distracts him and they are captured by the bodyguards and locked in a trailer. Hench, who is trying to kill them, inadvertently sets them free. The heroes of this movie never accomplish a damn thing. They either get somewhere by luck or a villain does it for them. Feeling guilty for hiding the note, Goldie shows it to Chanticleer and they ride away on a prop motorcycle to save them. This is like the third time we’ve seen the title character this whole movie and he’s had no real character development at all except for seeing him sing in the beginning and on stage. He’s just ‘cool singer guy that everyone loves for some reason.’

Chanticleer saves everyone form the bodyguards and after an intense car chase they steal a helicopter. They fly back to the farm and use the searchlight to drive away the owls just as the flashlight runs out of batteries. They try to get Chanticleer to crow so the sun can come up (they seem to have forgotten that it didn’t matter at all) but he’s out of practice so he gives up immediately. Oh hey, I guess that’s character development. Now I hate him because he’s a pussy. First he gets embarrassed once then leaves the farm and his life’s purpose behind, then he gets super rich and famous and leaves THAT with no real instigation then he gets a chance to save everyone and says ‘eh, fuck it.’

The Duke taunts Chanticleer and starts to strangle Edmond. I get the strangling Edmond part but why do you WANT him to crow? Your big plan was to get rid of him. Patou and the gang start to chant Chanticleer’s name to encourage him enraging the Duke until he turns into a tornado. I guess he can do that? But a flashlight defeats him? Chanticleer then lets out a loud crow, making the sun rise and causing the Duke to shrink down to a miniature version of himself. Oh, hey I guess his powers do work? And he can make people shrink? Ok, sure, whatever. I just want this goddamn movie to be over. Hunch chases the mini-Duke away with a flyswatter and we’re all left unsatisfied with that lameass final boss fight. The flood subsides and Edmond changes back into a person. I guess Chanticleer could do that too. Edmond wakes up in the real world and his mother tells him that it was all a dream but he still believes. Then the two worlds merge (again) and Chanticleer sings the same song from the beginning with all the farm animals and Edmond.

This movie was a complete mess. No one has any real motive or character definition and the plot just moves from action to action without any of it being interesting at all. The movie is 76 minutes long but feels like hours. There are much, much better things from your childhood you can revisit.

When people think of vampires they think of lineage, big castles, cool accents and being totally awesome with super powers. Well being a vamp isn’t all sparkling and banging Sarah Michelle Gellar. Even as an undead creature of the night, life can still suck.

Dave Miller just wanted a job so he could pay for community college but he didn’t need one THIS bad. When he goes into a convenience store to apply as a counter jockey, the owner Radu hires him on the spot, but there’s a catch. Radu turns Dave into his vampire slave. Now Dave has to do anything Radu says including manage the night shift for all eternity for minimum wage. With the help of his vamp best friend Jerome and his non-vamp roommate Carl, Dave is determined to woo the goth-princess he’s been staring at creepily every night as she comes in for a slushie but of course, one obstacle stands in his way. When it looks like she’s fallen to the charming wiles of big, dumb surfer vamp Wes, Dave evokes an ancient vampire challenge to bet Wes that he could win her heart before him without using any vampire powers… of which he has none because of his all plasma diet.

Abel and Soria give a very refreshing take on vampires and their lore that I really needed in this post-Twilight world. I really didn’t expect to like this book. After the cultural saturation in vampire stuff that’s mostly crap I really didn’t want another book on the pile but I really dug it. Unlike most vampire fiction the story is very dialogue driven. The dialogue is quick, snappy and hilarious which will draw further Kevin Smith comparisons. The writers have taken the vampire hierarchy and moved it from Transylvania to California in an amusing way that we get little glimpses of through character dialogue and interactions as most of the vampire stuff works as more of a backdrop for the characters to play off of. Dave is likeable enough but makes some incredibly dumb decisions and you will find yourself yelling at him many times throughout the story. This also goes for the female lead Rosa who is as dumb as… well most goth chicks you probably know.

Pleece’s art does the job without being too flashy or distracting. He draws it like he’s drawing real people and not monsters in a crazy comic book world. It’s very still and placid and doesn’t bring attention to itself reflecting the boring monotony of life even as a vampire. It’s still very impressive for his first graphic novel.

All in all I’d say it’s worth the read. It moves quickly, gives a fresh take on vampires and their lore and is very funny. Think Clerks with vampires.

7/10 – Pretty good. Worth a read.

Disney films weren’t the only animated media going through a renaissance in the 1990’s. Animated television never had and never has been better. Or even as good. You may disagree with me but as a former animation student and animation historian my favorite era of the medium was the 90’s. What I may miss most from that time was the lost art of the animated series intro. This used to be your pitch for a series to a kid. Kids have short attention spans and you need to capture their imagination in less than a minute. Most shows nowadays just cut together a bunch of clips from the first season and maybe a couple character shots then slap a title card in there. This isn’t a list of THE best intros but they’re 10 that had an impact on me and I felt had all the criteria needed for an awesome intro; all original animation (usually MUCH better than the animation in the actually show), cool/catchy theme tune, and tells you something about the show and its characters. 10. The Critic

This is a show that was just plagued with bad luck. It was bounced around from network to network and never really given a fair shake. The Critic had some of the smartest writing we had seen in a primetime animated show and filled a niche for film nerds with it’s jabs and in-jokes at the industry. And come on, John Lovitz was fantastic on it. The intro perfectly encapsulates the shows love of New York, tells us all we need to know about our hero Jay Sherman, and has a wonderful jazzy theme tune. It’s like a whole Woody Allen movie squished into 60 seconds

[Watch the Critic Intro here] 9. X-Men

X-Men deserves a spot on the list just for having the power to confuse kids all across America and make them believe Wolverine can shoot electricity out of his adamantium claws. The world was X-crazy in the 90’s when Jim Lee was drawing the book and comics were the hottest thing around (before the huge industry crash later in the decade) so naturally they’d get an animated show. This series and Spider-Man helped start a slew of Marvel properties getting their own animated treatment including Iron man, The Hulk, and The Fantastic Four. X-Men and Spider-Man were pretty much the only good ones.[Watch the X-Men intro here]8. Beetlejuice

I wish more people remembered this show. Beetlejuice the series was made of pure nightmare fuel and at times could be more effed up than the Tim Burton movie it’s loosely based on. The intro is evident of this fact by having the main characters head bitten off on a rollercoaster ride through Hell.

[Watch the Beetlejuice into here]7. Freakazoid

You know you hummed this song every day in the 5th grade. The brain child of Bruce Timm and Stephen Spielberg (and some would say Mike Allred) Freakazoid mixed the superhero crime fighting cartoons that were so popular at the time with the wacky madcap short format cartoons that were also huge. The series didn’t start with an origin story like most animated superhero cartoons and no one worried about that because everything we needed to know was right there in the intro.

[Watch the Freakazoid into here] 6. Men In Black

The good guys dress in black remembah dat just in case we evah- NO. No… not THAT song. Loosely continuing the story of the box office hit of the same name, Men In Black is one of the most under-appreciated animated series of the 90's. The basic characters are all there; K is a stoic old badass, J is a rookie, L is hot, etc. But the series takes on its own identity in this alternate continuity. This is another show that I wish more people remembered. The intro is what I see as a perfect animated series opening and the opening that spawned the idea to make this list. Plus that song is just bitchin’.

[Watch the Men In Black intro here]5. Sam & Max Freelance Police

Indie comics and video game fans everywhere were pleased to see this awesome property come to TV when Sam and Max hit the road again in Sam & Max Freelance Police. Perfectly capturing the sense of humor and adventure of the comics/games this cartoon and its intro deserve to be in the top 5.

[Watch the Sam & Max into here] 4. Batman Beyond

Juuust slipping under the 90’s wire 1999’s Batman Beyond exceeded all expectations as the spiritual successor and sequel to the enormous hit Batman TAS. When Bruce Timm and Paul Dini were asked to make a show that was marketable and that they could make toys of they made a show that was not only awesome but really didn’t have many characters you could get a good toy out of. Most of the villains were in one or two episodes and there was a LOT of character development in the show that really only focused on Terry. It also did something that has been tried before and since but has never really been done as well. They made another Batman. Not just a guy with pointy ears that people called Batman. He was the Batman.

[Watch the Batman Beyond intro here] 3. Animaniacs

With possibly the catchiest theme toon of the decade and some gorgeous animation Animaniacs falls firmly in the top 3. This show and Tiny Toons made a valiant effort to bring the sense of humor and tone of the Looney Tunes back to animated television. With a stable of memorable characters, a fantastic voice cast and an all ages, self aware sense of humor Animaniacs was not only one of the greatest animated shows of the 90’s but ever.

[Watch the Animaniacs intro here] 2. The Simpsons

Two words and a classic tune by Danny Elfman that anyone in America can hum at any given time juxtaposed over a sweeping montage of the Simpsons family each on a quest toward what’s most important in life… the TV is all it takes to start off the show that would become it’s own culture throughout the 90’s It took almost two decades for them to update this intro and many of us were sad to see it go (those of us that still watch the show). I don’t even know what to write about this show that hasn’t been said a thousand times. An entire college class on the decade could be told just by showing episodes of the Simpsons.

[Watch The Simpsons intro here]1. Batman: The Animated Series

The intro that they sold a series on. This sequence was originally animated as a pilot for Bruce Timm and Paul Dini to sell what a Batman show would be like. The original animation was slightly different but essentially the same with Batman stopping the two bank robbers. This intro tells you all you’d ever need to know not only about this series but about Batman. Two robbers try to rob a bank, Batman swoops in and beats the hell out of them, and leaves just as quick. No other series on this list except for the Simpsons has the staying power that this show had, so much so that the character is still being voiced by Kevin Conroy in other properties. When this show became a hit Timm and Dini were given the golden keys to the DC universe creating series after series and building their own animated universe that many people consider their definitive DC world. Also notice that there is no title card and no narrator telling you what show you’re watching. When you see this intro you know that it is Batman.[Watch the Batman: TAS intro here] As I said before I’m not saying these are THE best intros of the 90’s but they all certainly had a lasting impact on me. Did I miss any that you think should be included? Tell us in the comments section!Honorable mentions:

Rocko’s Modern Life

Come on, how many other shows were cool enough to have their theme performed by the B52s? Superman: The Animated Series

After the huge success of Batman Timm and co had the opportunity of bringing the big blue boyscout to TV also. The original plan was to have an all originally animated opening sequence like Batman but when they ran out of time it had to be cut to just a montage of clips from the show and some new animation. That’s what keeps it off this list. Darkwing Duck

I love things that are a product of its time and DD is pure early 90’s. You can practically imagine the Fly Girls dancing along. SWAT Kats

A lot of shows tried to imitate the look and feel of comics during the 90’s and no show did it better than SWAT Kats.Duck Tales

OO-WOO-OO! Ducktales just gets edged out as it ended in 1990 thus not really being a 90’s show. Shame as it’s an incredible opening. Tiny Toon Adventures

It didn’t feel fair to have this AND Animaniacs on the list. Yeah, I know I have both Batman shows on there, so sue me. The Tick

DAP-DWEEEEEE-DAP DAP DAAAA-DOW

I don’t usually buy collections of webcomics unless they come with some crazy awesome extras that I can’t get online. However I had to pick this one up when I saw Mr. Campbell at SPX this month. He even drew a little picture in it for me!

John Campbell’s ‘Pictures for Sad Children’ is a webcomic about people who hate other people. At first glance the art looks very simplistic. The figures consist of a rectangular body, circle head, stick arms, and two dots for a face. The book’s only colors are grey and white and there are nearly no backgrounds throughout the whole comic. I could easily see this turning some people off to the strip but it’s what immediately sucked me in. The art style is very reflective of the tone and message of the book. Life is bland, the world is bland, and everything sucks. With such simplistic art you’re able to focus completely on the writing, which is where the comic really shines. The strip begins with Paul, a man who died and now walks the Earth as a dead man wearing a sheet. No one is surprised, worried or even bats an eyelash at the fact that this dead guy is still ‘living.’ This is all covered in the beginning of the comic and gives you an immediate feel for what the rest of the story will be like. Paul keeps doing his job and keeps hating people until he decides to travel the world. His views on everything don’t change even after finally getting to visit Russia, Egypt and Paris, ‘Just another bullshit town.’ Paul Returns home and tries to get his old job back but can only land a lower position training temps to answer phones. Then we meet Gary, a young man with no real direction in life, who becomes the new main character. We follow Gary through life as he learns that nothing matters, we’re all just cogs in the machine, and life is short. Too short to get anything real done. Any other story would have Gary learn that life is worth living and people really are good deep down. Mr. Campbell does not want to tell that story.

Sounds like a downer, huh? Well it kind of is. With it’s mellow tone and ever deepening plot arcs the strip really pulls you in. Sitting down to read a couple pages of this you soon realize that you’ve blown through the entire archive and either feel driven to not be like the characters of this strip and do something or just kill yourself. I don’t think I’m selling this comic very well but I’m just telling it like it is. Pictures for Sad Children will bring you down and hard but the characters with their misanthropic social commentary really speak to me and other college/post college people who have no idea what to do next. It’s a story about life and life sucks.

8/10 – Downer but very satisfying read that makes you think about life, the universe and everything.

This weekend I attended SPX in Bethesda, Maryland. I bought about twice as many comics as I said I’d allow myself to get, but out of this huge pile one book certainly stands out, The Secret Science Alliance.

12 year old Julian Calendar is a geek. He gets straight As and his butt handed to him daily all because he’s a man of science and isn’t afraid to show it. All Julian wanted was a new beginning and he finally gets one when his family moves to a new town called Mosburg. Intent to not be labeled as a dork and work his way up the social ladder Julian tries to keep his nerdiness under wraps but he can only keep the façade up for so long. Once he lets it slip two of his classmates, troublemaker Greta Hughes and school jock Ben Garza, take Julian to their special underground laboratory where they form the Secret Science Alliance. Using their incredible minds and scientific knowledge they invent fantastic devices to help people and pull pranks to get back at the bullies. But they aren’t the only scientists in town. Being the hometown of one of the greatest American scientists in history Andro Koblovsky the town draws quite a scientific community including the world renowned Dr. Wilhelm Stringer. Julian is a huge fan of Stringer’s but when he gets a chance to meet him the guy turns out to be a real jerk! Of course when the S.S.A.’s secret notebook of inventions goes missing and Stringer reveals a few new inventions that look very familiar there is one obvious culprit. Can the S.S.A. get their notebook back and reclaim their ideas? What else is the bad Dr. up to? Find out all this and more in Eleanor Davis’s The Secret Science Alliance!

This comic definitely seems geared toward children but there’s something here for all ages. First of all this book is hilarious. I was in tears at parts. At some parts the jokes come so rapid fire that I had to reread whole pages because I was laughing so hard. I actually had to put the book down a couple times so I could finish cracking up. Some of the humor is pretty juvenile but it’s very refreshing how the writing doesn’t talk down to kids at all. The adventure moves at a brisk pace but doesn’t have the normal problem with kids comics by moving at breakneck speed. It also isn’t just a paint by numbers adventure story. Most kid’s comics just move from A to B while going through all the motions that TinTin laid down 80 years ago. Davis definitely works off of archetypes but they certainly grow into their own and become well-rounded characters that you can care about while you’re on this journey with them.

My friend Dave bought this book on the first day of the con and when I saw him reading it in the hotel room that night it immediately grabbed me. The linework is clean and slick. The characters have a sense of bounce and movement that makes the lines really come alive. When I picked up the book I learned that it Davis’s husband Dave Weing (who also co-wrote it) was the inker to her pencils and their friend Joey Weiser (that kid is EVERYWHERE!) colored it. Weiser wasn’t at the table so I came back 3 times until he showed back up because I NEEDED him to sign this book. His colors are phenomenal. They actually drew a pretty cool collaborative sketch in my book. Davis wrote ‘Hey Matt!’ In a speech bubble, then Weing drew Julian with a sharpie and Weiser dropped some colors into it. I always make sure to get creator’s signatures at cons but having all three of them collaborate on it like it was a real piece was a great thing to witness.

The Secret Science Alliance is a fantastic read. Great pacing, wonderful humor and beautiful artwork made this one of the most fun reads I’ve had in a while.

9.5/10

You may remember that a couple weeks ago I reviewed Filthy Rich, one of the premiere graphic novels released under Vertigo’s new sub-imprint Vertigo Crime. This review is for the other release book Dark Entries. I don’t know much about John Constantine. I’ve read some Hellblazer here and there and seen him appear in other books like Sandman and Swamp Thing. I do know one thing though. It’s pronounced ConstanTINE. Not ConstanTEEN. Rhymes with turpentine. I just wanted to clear that up.

Like I said, I haven’t read much Constantine and when my friend Trish recommended the book to me I asked her if it’s a good intro to the character and she said yes. She was absolutely correct, this story tells you everything you need to know about the character and holds up very well as a standalone story. Do you f**king hate reality television? So does John Constantine. So of course he’s never heard of “Haunted House,” the hottest reality show on TV but he gets to know the program all too well when it’s producer Matthew Keene invites John to come on as a contestant on the show as a mole to figure out why all the housemates are seeing things Keene isn’t showing them. Constantine has to figure out why the house has become actually haunted and not just TV special effects haunted.

Fans of Constantine will find plenty to love in this story. It has all the macabre twists and turns you see in the Hellblazer series and the snarky yet professional paranormal detective’s character is completely intact. Some of the characters at times can feel like walking stereotypes (the American otaku, the badboy etc.) but they all get a chance to shine and become well rounded as the story progresses. The twist in the middle is well done and unexpected but what interested me about it was the presentation. Up until that point all of the page borders between panels were white but once you hit the ‘shit just got real’ moment all the page borders turn black and stay that way until the last page of the book. It gives the second half of the story a real weight and makes you feel trapped in this house with these people. The art is impressive, Dell’edera’s use of spot blacks and line weight give a heft to the art and reflect the darkness of the story. Nothing in the book really blew me away visually but it flowed and he definitely has a knack for drawing hellish occult beings and all the grimdark stuff we love to see in a John Constantine book.

The book is presented just like Filthy Rich with the digest sized hardcover and pulpy feeling paper. This is obviously going to be a trend with the Vertigo crime series but the story doesn’t have that noir or even very pulpy feel that FR had or the outside would lead you to expect. I have always meant to get more into the Constantine mythos and this book gave me a definite nudge to finally get on that. Good solid story with decent art 8/10. I continue to look forward to Vertigo’s new subimprint.

As a huge fan of HG Wells’s novel ‘The Invisible Man’, I was very excited to check out Jeff Lemire’s indie comics retelling of the classic story. Much like the original book, the story starts out with a mysterious stranger checking into a small motel for an extended stay to be alone while he works. This comic relocates Griffen from a small village in Europe to a Midwestern town called Large Mouth in the early 90’s. The folk of Large Mouth sense something may be amiss about their new visitor. It could be the fact that he barely leaves his house, eats, or talks to anyone. Or it could be that he’s covered head to toe in medical bandages and wears huge black goggles. At first they give him the benefit of the doubt but as strange things start to happen around the town, it’s definitely easiest to blame the new guy without a face.

If you’ve read the novel you already know most of this book. It stays pretty close as an adaptation but certainly has its own voice and Lemire makes the whole thing his by creating this world and these characters. Some of the characters like Griffen and Mr. Marvel are lifted from the novel but other than the names and some situations they get into, they’re completely unrecognizable from Wells’s characters. It’s a very quick read but Lemire builds this town and this world in a way that it draws you in and even though there isn’t always much going on, you meander through it like if you were in this small mountain town on a winter day. Even though it was over so fast, the story is definitely fulfilling. It remains to be a good solid read.

The art in this book is gorgeous. The panel layouts mostly remain pretty simple but Lemire uses the camera in some very inventive and intriguing ways. His ink lines are loose and thin but his use of spot blacks really balance the images and give them a solidity. The coloring is very simple. The only color other than white he uses is a light blue that strongly conveys the feel of winter and reflects the loneliness and depression our main character is feeling after losing his wife and …ability to reflect light or be seen.

Jeff Lemire’s ‘The Nobody’ is a solid, quick read and is beautiful to look at. The book is currently available in hardcover from Vertigo. Also available is the first issue of Lemire’s new comic ‘Sweet Tooth’ which came out two weeks ago. It’s only a buck, check it out.

Jeff Lemire’s ‘The Nobody’ 7.5/10

After a career ending injury ex-football star Richard “Junk” Junkin just wants to make an honest living selling cars (even though he’s not very good at it). Despite his low to nonexistent sales Rich’s boss still keeps him on the lot because having a ‘celebrity’ is just good for business. For a while at least. After Rich’s ineptitude starts doing more harm than good the boss has another job he could use Junk for. Victoria, the boss’s daughter, is a spoiled daddy’s girl who’s only famous because she’s rich. Having a daughter like that constantly embarrassing you in the media can be bad for business so the boss enlists Rich as her personal body guard and babysitter to make sure she stays in line. Victoria, on the other hand, has other plans for Junk. She needs someone to do her dirty work.

This book BLEEDS style. Even if you aren’t a fan of Azzarello and aren’t familiar with his work and penchant for noir stories, as soon as this book is in your hands you can feel the noir emanating from it. Once you tear off the plastic (because this book is NOT for the kiddies) and feel that pulpy cheap kind of paper enveloped in a hardcover shell and emblazoned with a cover that looks like a movie poster ripped from the 50’s you instantly get a feel of exactly what kind of story you’re in for. Being a major film geek and a huge fan of film noir I was really excited to read this. Azzarello hits all the points that really make a story feel noir. You’ve got your main character who’s gone through some tragedy and is almost forcefully pulled into a seedy underworld that he wants no part of, your femme fatale, and the rest of the cast filled with characters with too much money and not enough morals. Lines like “Looking back, I should’ve let it roll off mine.” have that kind of wordplay that pops and crackles give the characters a voice that is so characteristic of the classic genre.

Victor Santos’s black and white art compliments the writing so well and makes this world feel gritty and sweaty and just downright disgusting to even step into. When I say this book bleeds style I mean you pick it up and you wanna wash your hands when you’re done. The violence never goes over the top and we get just enough of a glimpse to know what we need to know and infer whatever else our twisted little minds can project into the story.

Azzarello’s Filthy Rich really is top notch for comic, Azzarello, and general noir fans alike. It gets a solid 9/10 stomped out cigarette butts.

What I picked up this week:

Nothing! Comics got pushed back a day so I haven’t been to the shop yet. Damn holidays.

In the first edition of my new Trade of the Week column I’ll be taking a look at the first volume of King City from Brandon Graham.

King City lasted one volume while being put out by Tokyo Pop before they canned Graham and the book got cancelled. Recently Image picked up the license and will reprint the first volume as single issues then allow Graham to continue the story as he originally envisioned it. I love seeing an artist get a second chance and Image seems like just the right place for this book to find a home.

Right from the get-go this book lets you know what it’s all about. Things get real weird real quick. King City opens with our hero Joe returning to his hometown after being away for several years. Joe is a freelance spy whose weapon of choice is a magic cat named Earthling J. J. Cattingworth III. Earthling is a super intelligent cat that can pretty much do anything, sometimes with the aide of a syringe full of ‘cat juice’ to give it a power boost. The cat can fight ancient demons, pick locks, and do two crossword puzzles at once. Needing a place to stay, Joe hooks up with his old buddy, another freelancer named Pete. While Pete takes a job as an escort for a water breathing alien girl whom he begins to fall for, Joe spies on a group of cannibal sushi eating mobsters across the street from his new hideout. As the volume progresses Joe and Pete fall deeper and deeper into the dealings of the King City’s mafia underground and a gang dealing in an illegal drug called Chalk.

The story gets pretty weird but I never felt like it got too weird. But that could just be me. I like weird things so this book was right up my alley. The art is fantastic. The presentation of the book in a smaller digest format and style of the art are incredibly manga influenced. The inking, use of grey scale, pacing and use of action all have a very eastern feel to them. This comes as no surprise as manga sensibilities used in American comics is a very popular trend now with books like Scott Pilgrim and even Invincible employing artistic and storytelling influence from Japanese comics. Graham really makes you care about this cast of oddball characters and uses the city in a way that makes it feel like it’s part of the story rather than just where this story takes place.

I really enjoyed this book and once it starts getting put out by Image next month it’ll definitely be on my pull list. With a solid and original story and art that grabs you with its funky and unique style I give this book a solid 4/5.

What I picked up this week:

Invincible #65 4/5 Felt good to take a breather and have an issue of almost all dialogue after Conquest.

Chew #3 and 4 5/5 These issues have been sold out everywhere and for good reason.

Daredevil #500 4/5 Great send off for Brubaker as this books writer and some nice extra features in this super sized issue.

Blackest Night: Superman #1 4/5 As a big Superman fan I’ve been very excited to see how Blackest Night would fold out for the Man of Steel and I was not disappointed.

Batgirl #1 3/5 Nice set up issue. I hope we see a bit more about Cass giving up the cowl.

Ultimate Comics Avengers #1 4/5 Picked this one up a week late. Good solid issue. With this and Ultimate Comics Spider-Man I’m getting really excited for the Ultimate universe again

Panel of the week:

F**k yeah, Superman!